"In Celtic tradition the Swan is associated with deities of healing waters and the sun. They are associated with music, love, purity and the soul. They are shape-shifters, can take human form, and have mastered the elements of water, earth and air. They can always be recognized by the gold or silver chain that hangs around their neck.
Among Druids, the Swan represents the soul, and is associated with the Festival of Samhain"
*Also believed to be able to summon the 4 winds
A few months ago in Lit we read "The Dead" and had an extensive discussion on how all the characters were "dead." Lately I've been thinking about it more and more, and where I'm alive and healthy, I too am dead.
A swan, the very representation of the soul, jack of all trades, if you will, and the beauty associated with innocence; All am I but innocent, instead just naive... A swan song is "A final gesture or performance, given before dying." With that in mind, and I know this is really jumpy and may or may not make any sense seeing as I'm typing without drafting.., but let me explain...
I'm a person who's driven by their emotions. Someone who is very connected with my "soul" and more rather disconnected with my "logic." I'm a hopeless romantic, I believe in love and happy endings. I believe in fairy tales and tend to live in day dreams. It's not that I've had a bad life, it's not that I totally want to escape from the world because of something like that, simply put, it's just how I am. With that comes a lot of denial and a lot of optimism however... I'm not sure if that will even have to come to play in with anything but I suppose I should say it still...
Basically, My soul is dead. Taylor is emotionally and realistically dead, is how you'd say it I suppose... Sure, I can feel. I know I feel, too much probably, but I'm in retreat. I've locked myself in my head, in a coffin to be protected. Lately I've let myself come out and try to be reborn, and I'm met with confusion in all directions. Right now, I'm the most confused I have ever been in my life. I'm not sure who to trust, who I can open myself up to, if I can trust myself, what's going on in general... with anything in my life. I'm so far hidden I can't focus, all I want to do is hide in a fantasy. I'm not in touch with reality hardly at all, and my body is just... mentally, emotionally and physically shot.
The swan is also a symbol for the Festival of Samhain, the celtic new year, or more known as "end of summer". In that, being a swan, I'm hoping I can pull out of this soon. A new year is a new start. At the end of summer, everything dies, and then comes life. A swan, maybe like the phoenix, is reborn and more beautiful than ever with every death... So maybe Andrew won't show up at my door one day and kiss me saying everything was a mistake... but one thing's for sure, I love him and I feel that more painfully and blissfully than ever and he's noticing the spark again... Maybe my grades won't be the greatest, but I will graduate still, #88 in my class with a 3.5, but I will have that chance... Maybe I don't get money for my scholarship audition coming up again, but maybe I'll gain experience and ideas to grasp onto... Maybe, just maybe, my soul can live again...
I stopped reading when you called yourself dead. Stupid.
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